There are days when my spirit soars, others when I feel weighed down. I have come to realize that many of my low days come from self-doubt and self-sabotage. Recently, I have became aware of my negative thoughts, even in moments of prayer and solitude. But those thoughts are not my thoughts but whispers from the enemy, seeking to manipulate my mind, straying me away from God. Currently, I am reading the book “Battlefield of the Mind” by Joyce Meyer, and one of the chapters has a short story where a man asked God for revelation, God showed him himself in the spirit realm praying, and behind him was the enemy lurking, speaking self-doubt and negativity into his mind and saying that he was not good enough and he should stop praying because God wasn’t listening and that praying wouldn’t make his life better.
Reading this made me think about what self-doubt is and how it is not a reflection of our true selves, but the enemy placing doubt into our minds clouding the vision of our goals, future, and what God has in store for us. So self-doubt doesn’t exist, praying on this made me realize that when I doubt myself I doubt the plans that God has for me, and not trusting what God will do for me can be done. As social beings, we are constantly thinking of the what if this doesn’t work or what if this isn’t meant for us but that’s self-doubt, distractions woven by the enemy to lead us astray. I have learned that once I surrender my concerns to prayer, I must release the burden of worry. To continue to worry is to demonstrate a lack of faith in God’s ability to guide me and support me.
We try to take the pin and paper out of God’s hands and write the lines ourselves (Psalm 16:6). But we can’t because God knows us, he knows our hearts and what we need in any particular moment even if it differs from our desires. Understanding this has allowed me to strengthen my faith in God and the plans that he has for me. I am learning to trust in His timing and wisdom, reminding myself that every moment of surrender brings me closer to God.
